Jen - this is my Santa costume with my wife's Santa's Helper teddy .  I posed for the picture as part of a Christmas gift to my mother-in-law.  She snorted for 1/2 an hour when she saw it.  So technically, I'm wearing women's lingerie.  Sorry you can't see much.
 

Saints vs. Bears and Refs – granted, the Bears would have pulled away anyway.  But the officiating in the first 20 minutes of the game was awful.  Berrian was clearly holding on Davis’ end around.  How did Rex Grossman get to call back to back time outs?  Michael Lewis was laying on his side when the ball came out; clearly not a fumble.  It was funny to read Sean Payton’s lips as the ref came over.  “You blew that one…”  And the offensive pass interference against Copper was beyond ridiculous.  I even made a point to find my wife and tell her that the refs were so bad it was taking away from my enjoyment of the game.  I wanted the Bears to win, but not like this.  Then things settled down.

Adrienne Peterson is one hell of a special teams player.  I was hoping Lovie Smith would give him a couple of carries at the end to reward his god play.  On one drive late 3^rd/early 4^th quarter, Rex Grossman was as good as any quarterback I’ve ever seen.  The rest of his day was worth forgetting.  The Bears offensive line wore down the Saints.  That’s why I figure the Bears would have won anyway.  Cedric Benson’s TD run was an amazing run.

Colts vs. Patriots and History – After an interception return for TD making it 21-3, I decided it was time to walk the dogs.  But not before the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard a broadcaster say:  “I don’t think the Colts expected to be down this much this early…”  What?  They expected to be down that much later in the game?  Anyway, when I got back, the Colts had just kicked a field goal to make it 21-6.  I have to admit I began going back and forth between the game and NFL Network at that point.  San Diego Charger Cheerleaders in their swimsuit photo shoot was on.  After the Colts tied it at 21, I stuck with the game.  Later, I would only change during commercials and only because the Tampa Bay Bucs cheerleaders were trying on bathing suits.  But enough about cheerleaders.  As disillusioned as I was about how bad Peyton Manning seemed to have become, I was equally impressed with his resiliency in bring the team back.  Only one small complaint about the officiating – pass interference called on the play of Reggie Wayne in the end zone.  But in an almost exact circumstance, the same call was not made on Reche Caldwell’s behalf 5 minutes later.  The Pats had to settle for a FG and that made all the difference in the world.  What really happened here is that the Patriots wore down.  The defense was too tired to stop the Colts offense all game.  The combination of a large number of players with the flu and playing the 2^nd game in a row on the road after a west coast game did them in.  But this was a game I couldn’t lose.  No matter who won, I was cheering for a good game with an exciting finish.  I got it.

Ultimately – I think the Bears match up with the Colts much better than they would have against the Patriots.  The aggressive corners can rattle Manning’s confidence.  The pass rush can get him off his game.  And the Bears ability to run plays into the weakness of the Colts defense.  But the Bears will not win unless Rex Grossman can step up, play a decent game and make no mistakes.  And playing mistake free football is not what Grossman is known for. 

So now is the time of year that I finally get to pick one team and cheer for them.  My early feeling is that I’m going to cheer for the Bears with one strong condition: If I hear the Super Bowl Shuffle as much as one time between now and halftime of the game, I’m cheering for the Colts.  But whatever happens, let it be a great game.  And let it end before 10:30 EST so my party doesn’t have to break up before the game ends.  Lousy friends with their kids…

In the past week, I have received the following email headers:

Why Is Your Sausage So Small
You have Won the Teenie Weenie Contest!
Hi comrade with the small ramrod

Not really a Raiders fan.  I happen to have a jersey from every team in the NFL.  One day I'll have a contest to see if people can guess some of the jerseys.

Face of an Angel.  Feet of a monster.

I have to rant about weddings for a bit.  Why are people brainless zombies when it comes to what happens at a wedding?  Why does the entire bridal party need to be introduced?  Why does the bride smash cake into the groom's face?  Too often the bride and groom give into tradition rather than do something that really is meaningful.  IF you're planning a wedding, ask yourself:

Do I really want to wear a tux?
Do all the bridesmaids have to wear the same dress, shoes and hair?
Does the entire bridal party have to be introduced?
Do the pictures have to be taken after the ceremony making the bridal party miss the cocktail hour?

I've been to about 50 weddings and can tell you that I only remember about 5 of them - the ones that had the guts to do something different.

Try thinking outside of the box.  Let the bridesmaids wear whatever they want.  Take your pictures in the morning and show up at the cocktail party.  Serve pastries instead of wedding cake.  Introduce table 14 instead of the bridal party.  Or only introduce the person paying for the whole thing.  Hire a stand up comedian to warm up the crowd.  Have a casual dress wedding.  Give out prizes.  Do something so that your wedding doesn't fit neatly into a cookie cutter.  Speaking as a constant guest, I'm getting bored.

All joking aside, I hope the reports out of Dallas are not true about Terrell Owens' attempted suicide.  If it is true, then it's a tragic thing.  Football is one thing, but this is real life and he is obviously troubled beyond what anyone thought.  Personally, I'd love to have him back in the NFL because he is one of the greatest receivers I've ever seen.  But if this is true, then he needs help to get his life straightened out, which is far more important than football.  On behalf of 411 Fantasy Football I wish him the best.  

Have you seen this ad on line?  Since when do advertisers use fat girls, especially dancing?

One of our staff writers.  He may not want his name mentioned:

When I saw this on another page he contributes to, I had to share.  For the record, it's a cheese steak hat.  It's not what you think.

Don't forget, September 19 is international talk like a pirate day.  They even have a logo.  The best nautical line I can think of is Ted Knight yelling at Rodney Dangerfield in Caddy Shack: "A vast, you idiot!"

OK, I need a programmer and someone to market this idea.  It will make millions.  I'm creating a video game where the player helps Koren Robinson drive drunk from Minnesota to Green Bay.  You'll have to dodge the media, AA meetings, the police, coaches and strippers, all while trying not to crash into flora and fauna.

Know anyone who can help?

The greatest job on the planet is college professor.  You work  6 hours a week teaching, 6 hours a week meeting with students privately and 4 hours per week researching/writing.  Typically you have all summer off.  And with tenure, you can't be fired.

Now for some of you younger readers let me give you some career advice.  If you're smart enough to want to be a college professor, you know there is a lot of competition for the easy jobs like history or English; and you really have to know what you're doing for fields like science or engineering.  I have one word that will change your life forever: Nursing.  That right, nursing. 

I know what you're thinking, "nursing is no job for a man", or "I don't want to touch people".  Ok there are some drawbacks, but look at the upside:

*As an undergraduate Nursing major, the male/female ratio is 5/400.  Meeting young, attractive girls will never be easier in your life.  You'll probably take on a minor just to keep your undergrad days going.
*Once you graduate, you'll either step into one of the higher paying fields because there isn't much competition, or on to grad school where much like undergraduate admissions, you'll be taken just because you're a man - colleges love diversity.
*You'll probably want to go on to grad school to keep that male/female ratio thing alive, except now you can get paid as a grad assistant teaching classes.  So now not only are you meeting tons of girls, they have to make a good impression on you for a grade.  You're head will be spinning and by now you'll be able to drown out the laughter of family and friends at your career choice by having 19 year old coeds covering each of your ears.
*You've now got a Master's in Nursing, so it's off to a hospital to work.  Except as a nurse with a masters degree, you'll be more involved with administration - not touching sick people.  You're probably engaged to that cute brunette nursing student who just graduated.  In your first jobs you're probably making a combined $130,000 per year.
*In your spare time you pursue your PhD in Nursing, most likely paid for by the hospital in exchange for an agreement to work for them for 2 years after the degree.
*You earn your PhD by age 30 and are guaranteed a high paying job at the hospital that paid for you.  You're now making in excess of $100,000 by yourself.  You dump the brunette because by now she's in her late 20s and may have put on some weight, plus she's probably been on your back about finally setting a wedding date and having kids.
*After your 2 years are up, you call any college Nursing program in the country and tell them you're ready to be faculty.  As a male with a PhD in Nursing, you'll be a rarity that colleges will compete for.  You could walk in with tenure and full professorship.

So follow that plan and you'll be 32, rich, single and only working 16 hours a week.  You'll have your summers off.  And while class is in session, you'll have the undivided attention of 30 undergrads and 3 grad assistants who need to please you for a grade.  So when you're 50 and finally ready to settle down, you can marry that 23 year old grad student.  And as you age - perfect! Your wife is a nurse!

The Philadelphia viewing are gets the Jets and the Titans.  We could have seen the Bengals/Chiefs or Rams and Broncos.  Hell, even NE/Buffalo is more interesting; as is Baltimore/Tampa Bay.  I urge anyone to go to http://cbs3.com/contact and criticize this decision.  Garbage games on TV won't change unless people speak up.

Tom Jackson just asked Michael Irvin if he was retarded.  I have nothing to add.

Sent in by Rich in Chicago.  Classic!:

There are a lot of great lines in movies.  An underrated line that really stands out for me is from the movie Aliens.  When the squad is informed that they must not use their guns, one of the marines turns to another and says, "what are we supposed to use - harsh language?"  That's always stuck with me.

Just a few words on the death of Steve 'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin.  He certainly died doing what he loves and I admit that I was sad when I heard the news.  He was a good entertainer and I certainly watched his shows every now and again.  He ran into some controversy when he put his baby in harm's way while feeding a crocodile.  Although he claims that he was in complete control of the situation, he should have understood why people were upset: he was putting show business and dangerous situations ahead of his children's welfare.  Now, because of his death-defying antics, he's dead.  I mourn him.  I will miss him on some level.  But now his children will grow up without their father.  My belief has always been that once you have kids, your life is no longer really your own.  No one with young kids should purposely put themselves into harms way.

I hope for the sake of good Muslims everywhere that this man is lying about Muslim culture.  He claims that he treated his housekeeper as any Muslim would treat his own daughter...by raping her.  Here's the story - http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/31/slavery.sentence.ap/index.html

http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/columnists/john_grogan/12076921.htm1c  - Every once in a while I go to this link and read the article.  I swear I don't cry, though. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  The 'Marley and Me' movie will be released in 2008.  As much as I lived that book, I won't see the movie in a theater.  I'm pretty sure I'd have to be carried out.  Hey, if I still cry at Homeward Bound, I'll really lose it over Marley.  No one wants to see that in public.

Jimmy Ross from Boynton Beach, Florida died on Friday.  He was buried under and avalanche of mulch.  He left behind his wife, Polly, a very nice woman and 2 terrific kids.  I was proud to call Jimmy a friend.  A lot of people will miss him; there is a good chance that his business - Top Notch Tree Service and Landscaping will go under without him.  I wish his family the best and let them know they are in my thoughts and prayers.

Neighbor Update:  I found an uneaten, wrapped sandwich laying on my lawn just outside his car.  It obviously dropped from the bag he loosely carries every night as he comes home with sandwiches for dinner and snacks.  The fact that one was missing didn't seem to phase him, which tells us how many sandwiches he consumes at a time.  Anyway, this being the 4th time in 3 weeks that I've had to pick significant trash off my lawn that has come directly from his car, I tossed the sandwich onto his lawn.  A few hours later he saw it laying there.  He walked over for a closer look.  He walked right passed it.  Here it is 2 days later and the sandwich has not moved.  It's not far from the 1/2 full bag of charcoal that is in the middle of the yard, now ruined by rain.  I the sandwich, the charcoal and broken branches from a recent storm will ALL still be laying on the ground 3 weeks from now.  These people are pigs.  I'm thinking of starting a website just for them.  No fear of them reading it.  I doubt they read.

Sent to me by a friend.  It's very true:

Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and the Palestinians and Arab neighbors, even if you believe there is more culpability on Israel's part the following two sentences really say it all:

If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence.
If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel.

I still get chills when I listen to Brain Damage/Eclipse.  From the Dm intro chord to the 'there is no dark side of the moon, really...as a matter of fact it's all dark' and heartbeat ending.  F%^&#*ing genius.

I was once asked if I could meet any person, who would it be.  I said Roger Waters.  I'd just like to thank him.

I have 3 more drafts between now and the beginning of the season.  I really do live for this stuff.  I'm just concerned that over saturation of preseason will do something to my interest.  I'm trying to watch every game on NFL Network to see what I can, but on the other hand, I already feel burned out.  I'm limiting myself to the 1st quarter of every game and taking notes.  I'm curious as to the ratings of preseason games on major networks in prime time.  Are people other than fantasy leaguers watching?

One of the most frightening things a home owner can face is a 'for sale' sign on a neighbor's lawn.  My worst fears have been realized.  The people across the street were quiet, very clean, kept their house immaculate, parked in front of their own house, and even when entertaining they kept things low key.  I never noticed them in 5 years; perfect neighbors.  They sold the house to a woman in her 40s with a 23 year old son.  He looks like Ricky from Better Off Dead.  She looks like Shamu escaped from Sea World and took up smoking.  They have yet to cut their grass or do anything to maintain the property.  The son and his multitude of visitors park in front of my house.  People come and go all hours of the night.  So far, there has not been a single night that someone has not 'stayed over' who does not live there.  Many cars spending the evening arrive after midnight, including weeknights.  The son is prone to fits of rage.  I've seen him kicking his car on separate occasions.  I've also seen him throw his cell phone against a brick wall.  I've seen her drive 14 feet to pick up her mail at the end of the driveway.  The trash can sits in the driveway when it's not at the curb.  And being trash day doesn't seem to have a bearing on when.  Within the first week, there were 2 occasions which I had to pick up trash on my lawn that the son dropped and left.  One was a psychological evaluation explaining that college might not be for him.  One was an accelerated course offering from Devry.  My wife acknowledges that they are pigs, but points out that they have done nothing to us...yet.  I'm not crazy about waiting for the time when I have to roll a 23 year old transient in a drug induced stupor off my lawn.  I've begun cutting my lawn at 9:00 on weekends because I know they are still asleep.  Neither mother or son works.  Cheese steak or some kind of hoagie for dinner every night. I'm looking for an explanation of how these 2 could afford the $320,000 asking price.  I always thought that living in a fairly expensive neighborhood would prevent trash from moving in.  I was wrong.  Now my property value will suffer.  And they will do something to cause me to call the police on them.  Mark my words.  I know they will.  And I hate having to call the police.
my neighbors.  Except they are much heavier.

I bought a Western Digital 80 gigabyte pocket drive.  After 1 month it died and took everything with it.  Have you ever lost 60 gigabytes of data?  50 of which were not backed up anywhere?  It's not like losing a member of the family, but it's not far behind.  For the record, I went through the 5 stages of recovery.  I'm now in acceptance.

I'm the whitest looking white guy around.  I look like I should be playing hockey.  Yet I get pulled out of lines at airports all the time because I am male and still within the common terrorist age range.  I never get upset because I know that homeland security has a job to do.  When I hear Muslim groups complaining about profiling, my response is deal with it.  We know that only a small percentage of Muslims are radical.  But on the other hand, the next person who tries to blow up an airplane is not going to look like my grandmother.  There is a certain look and background common to the vast majority of terrorists.  And if you are unfortunate enough through common heritage to be linked to them, that is something you should understand.

So I see that one of N' Sync (I think his name is Lance) came out of the closet.  And people were shocked.  Of the 2 minutes I've seen of N' Sync, I'm shocked he was the only one.  Come on, is there anyone here who didn't already think N' Sync was gay?  Let's see, they sang and danced, wore fashionable clothes with trendy haircuts.  hmmmm.

Went to www.bincrawler.com.  It's a website that lets you see what is posted in the binary newsgroups.  If you don't know what that is, it's a place people post videos, music and pictures for anyone to download.  Bincrawler not only retrieves data, but lets you see the most recent searches and the most popular searches.  On Saturday, the most popular search was 'nude preteens'.  IP addresses should be collected and people arrested.  What kind of sick %&^#&ing people live on this planet?  I can't believe it's all FBI searches or Pete Townsend research.

I recently attending a function with the promise of viewing TV pilots and providing opinions.  Don't be fooled by this like I was.  The audience was shown 2 crappy old pilots, complete with commercials.  then we were asked 12 questions on each of the shows.  Followed by approximately 200 questions on commercials, products, my income, my age, my dogs, etc.  Finally, it was followed up by phone calls asking a series of questions about the advertising I saw and my opinions on dog food.  The call ended when the telemarketer asked for my opinion on whether or not toy dog breeds have special dietary needs.  I told him that not only did I not have any idea, I had no idea and spent no time thinking about it.  He said that if I did not answer, he couldn't ask the next question.  "I guess we're at an impasse then. Good bye."  and I hung up.  They only called back 4 more times.

For many reason, I think Dark Side of the Moon is the greatest, most complete album of all time.  I can sit through the entire thing in a dark room and not be bored...still.  The songs, themes and messages are timeless.  I recently saw the Rolling Stone Top 500 albums of all time list.  Dark Side was #43.  For perspective, the Sex Pistols clocked in at #41.  So the argument is that at their best, Pink Floyd was not as good as the Sex Pistols?  3 of the top 5 and 4 of the top 10 were Beatles albums.  London Calling by the Clash was #8.  Any credibility Rolling Stone had is gone in my eyes.

Ever want to send flowers to a Miss Universe contestant?  Delusional enough to believe one will fall in love with you if you do?  Here's your chance:

http://www.fiftyflowers.com/index.asp?PageAction=Custom&ID=12

Best commercial ever - Joe Montana and Ronnie Lott talking about masculine itch for Tivo.  The worst is just about any Old Navy commercial.  The new one entitled 'Get your Fash' On' is over the top bad.  I'm going to choke someone if I see it again.  I'm not sure what demographic they are trying to capture with this one, but I'm fairly certain it's not one from this planet.

Andrea Yates has been found not guilty of murdering her children by reason of insanity.  Instead of going to prison or face the death penalty, she's going to receive treatment in a mental health facility and possibly be released.  This is a disgrace.

Can someone please explain to President Bush what the word 'irony' means?  Anyone but Alanis Morissette.  "The irony is that Syria needs to tell Hezballah to knock this sh^t off..."  It would only be ironic if Syria was on Israel's side.  And this man is leading us.  I hate being political here, but I hate the start of World War 3 even more.  I'm starting a new betting page: America, Europe and Israel against China, Russia and the rest of the Middle East.  Any odds makers out there?

I watched the World Cup.  I guess now I've seen more complete soccer matches than I have seen entire baseball and pro basketball games combined over the past 12 years.  But as dull as I find baseball and pro basketball (I like college b-ball), they are better sports than soccer.  Here are my observations on why soccer is not good:

*Too many men on the field at once.  Stars don't get much of a chance to shine.
*Substitution rule is medieval.  Let players out and back into the game to get a rest.  By the 70th minute, the best players are too tired to do anything.
*Other than who is on the field, there appears to be no strategy.  Just kick the ball and run.
*Someone gets a red card and their team has to play short handed the rest of the game.  Totally unfair.
*I don't like watching a sport where I feel like I'm as good as the pros.  I'm sure it's difficult, but it doesn't look like it.
*NEVER decide a championship on penalty kicks.  I know the theory that it has to end somehow, but isn't that pointing out an inherent flaw in the sport?  Want more excitement, take players off the field and keep playing.  That will give more opportunities to score.  and if the overtime goes long enough, they'll be done to one player and one goalie each.  Someone will score.

If they implement some of these changes, more Americans will start watching.  But the world is watching, so they really don't have to change a thing.

I really miss jennicam.  Here's a classic jennicam moment.  She's sending a message to her parents to call.  The caption should be: "Hi Mom and Dad.  My ass is hanging out for all to see.  Later, I'll be masturbating, reading email and having sex with my boyfriend.  All on camera.  And if you're not thoroughly humiliated that you raised me to behave like this, send me your phone #, sillies!"

Money Magazine picked it's top 100 places in the U.S. to live.  I can't say much about the list because I haven't been to many of the places on the list.  But their formula determined that Bethlehem is the best place to live in Pennsylvania.  Bethlehem is a Sh%^&!hole.  There are MUCH nicer places to live in PA than Bethlehem.  That kinda tells me that the formula they use for determining best places to live is flawed at best.  Trust me, Bethlehem is a sh&#%hole.  For that to be picked over Pittsburgh or any of the nice suburbs of Philly or Pittsburgh is a Joke.  State College is even better than Bethlehem.

Does anyone out there really have faith that Gil Brandt knows what he is talking about with fantasy football?  Yet I'm torn because I agree that Mark Clayton could break out this year.

The biggest brainwashing on the planet is religion.  The second biggest goes on at Penn State.  Something happens when a person becomes a PSU undergrad.  You're told on a daily basis how great Penn State is and you believe it.  There's a reason Penn State alum donate more than any other school.  I admit, I've been brainwashed, too.

I've mentioned previously that I didn't want to fill this up with driving stuff.  I got a couple of email questions and I wanted to put out my definitive driving 'pet peeve' list.  I've broken it down between stupid and selfish:

5 Dumbest things people do:

5. Stopping instead of merging.  Granted, there are time when you have no choice, but too often I'll see a driver stop because he/she is afraid of entering traffic.  Speed up and merge.
4. Headlights out in dark or rain.  Just put your headlights on.  They are not so you can see us, it's so we can see you.
3. One car gets to a stop sign just before another.  Then they sit there and stare.  Or waive the second car on.  GO!  You're holding everyone else up.
2. A driver changing their mind or making up their mind in the middle of an intersection or at a highway off ramp.  You know what, if you really are lost and not sure where you're going, it doesn't make a lot of sense to endanger everyone else.  Pull over or into a parking lot.
1.  Cell phones, makeup, or anything else someone may be doing instead of paying attention to the road.  This one also fits neatly into selfish, but it's too dumb to ignore here.  A survey by the highway safety institute determined that 80% of accidents were caused by distracted drivers.

10 Most Selfish things people do:

10. Speed up to pass a series of cars just before an exit.  If your exit is 1/4 mile away, do you really need to pass anyone else?
9. Not using turn signals.  This is just lazy and selfish.  Why should you use a turn signal?  You know where you're going.  But no one else does.  Consider you are at a stop sign and you want to turn right.  Your waiting for a car to go past so you can turn.  then the car turns before they get to you.  If they signaled, you could have gone.
8. Car radio blasting - although this can be funny.  I saw a white teen in a minivan with rap blasting out of the stereo.  He was yelling right along with it and making gestures at the radio.
7. Pulling out in front of traffic only to then make an immediate left hand turn.  I saw many a near accident by selfish ^&%$s doing that.  In fact add here anyone who speeds up to get in front of you only to then jam on their brakes to make a turn.
6. Cold weather.  Windows mostly rolled up.  Driver is smoking and there is a baby in the car.  That kid doesn't have a chance.
5. Going around bends and not staying in your lane.  I've had many near head-on collisions by people who drift into my lane because it is too hard for them to stay in their own.  Pick up truck drivers are famous for this.
4. Doing 60 mph on a residential street.  If you want to do 100 on the highway or busy road, go ahead.  But I saw a 7 year old boy run over on his bike by a guy in a corvette who thought it would be cool to drive fast where no one else would.  Have a little respect for the people who live in that neighborhood, especially the children who live there.
3. Stopping in a 'No Parking Zone' because you'll only be a minute. 
2. Not even slowing down for stop signs.  that is the ultimate in disrespect.  I'm not talking about people who slow down and go.  I mean the ones who speed on thru.  They should lose their license before someone else loses a life.
1. Gridlock.  There have been 3 times in my driving life (20 years) that I have wanted to choke someone.  One of those times was for gridlock.  Funny, all 3 were women.  Gotta be a coincidence, though.

According to a report, the state of Texas is about to raise the speed limit to 80.  I say 'Bravo!' (sound of me clapping).  Surveys of the stretches of roads that will be effected show that the average speeds are currently 75-79 mph.  The arguments against driving 80 are that deaths will increase and gas mileage will drop and the driver will pay the equivalent up to 20 cents per gallon more.  What the critics are missing is some cars are not designed to handle such speeds for extended periods of time.  And other cars, such as trucks and SUVs do not handle very well above 65.  I drive a 6 cylinder Altima.  It is just as smooth at 80 as it is at 55.  I used to drive a jeep that as much as I loved it, I wouldn't take it over 70.

What I propose makes sense, but would be difficult to enforce - a speed limit based on the car.  An 18 wheel truck is just about out of control at 80.  God forbid it should need to change lanes quickly or hit the brakes.  Their speed limit should be 65.  SUVs and Minivans should be allowed up to 70.  Everyone else - 80.

And get the hell out of the left lane if you aren't passing anyone.

A local school district is being sued by a woman who claims that they violated he constitutional rights.  In fact, the law suit and he name/address are published on the school's site.  anyway, she claims that she was at her son's elementary school as part of 'get to know me' day.  One of the activities was to have a parent come in to class and tell a story or read to the children from the child's favorite book.  The woman claimed that her son's favorite book was the bible and wanted to read it to the kids.  This was a public school.  When the teacher and principal told her she couldn't read the bible to a room full of children of mixed religion, she claimed her civil rights were violated and sued the school district. 

I finished watching the last episode of The Sopranos for a while last night.  After seeing 10 episodes of season 6 I ask a rhetorical question: They needed a year and a half to write this crap?  After so much time off, I expected MUCH better.  Of course I'll be right there when the rest of season 6 is aired.  And when the movie comes out.

    Loyola Marymount Swimmer Morgan Finley.  Sober and, 

  well, maybe not. 

Here's another shot of her upside down wearing a dress drinking from a keg.

Mom, Dad, are you even a little curious about what your kid is up to at college?

I agree with Chmura.  Favre is being selfish.  If what he's trying to do is force a trade, then come out publicly.  Don't lie to the media, the fans and the organization.  All 3 for the most part have been very good to him and deserve better.

I won't see Flight 93.  September 11, 2001 was one of the worst days in my life.  I will never forget it.  I don't need to relive it.  If you would like to see it, please...by all means.  It's just not for me.  I would imagine it would be like seeing my dog hit by a car and a neighbor happened to catch it on video.  Why would I want to see it again?

Went to Conicelli Toyota to look at a Camry.  The salesman told me they didn't have the model I wanted, but was willing to sell me the next one up at a higher price.  Or he could have the one I want in about 2 weeks.  I told him to call me when it came in.  The next morning I looked on the internet and saw they had 3 cars that met my requirements.  I emailed.  I got a call at noon telling me one of the cars was in fact in stock and I could come out this afternoon to look at it.  When I got there I was told the car had been sold that morning, but they had the more expensive car they could sell me.  Just out of curiosity, was I lied to the night before or the next morning?  It's like 2 people telling me that they are Jesus.  One of them had to be wrong.  For the record, I bought a Honda Accord LX V6.  Great car.

Is it just me, or is 'The Sopranos' struggling a little this season?  I really hope things pick up after a good season opening episode.

Just wondering something about the whole immigration issue right now that is such a hot topic.  There are people who are upset about criminalizing illegal aliens.  Isn't that what the term 'illegal' implies...that someone has done something wrong or 'illegal'?  Should our laws should be written to say, "You are not allowed into the U.S. without proper documentation, but if you sneak in without going through proper channels, then it's ok".  I'm baffled by those protesting in support of illegal immigrants.  Next will we be rallying for those who hold up liquor stores?  I believe that no one should be able to benefit by breaking the law.

Just finished reading Marley & Me by John Grogan.  It's a book about a crazy dog and his family.  This book is a mandatory read for anyone who's ever owned a dog or anyone who wants to.  I don't normally recommend books, or even read them to be honest.  But this book is special.  Read it.  You won't be sorry.

Shout out to Nick - waiter at the ESPN sports Zone at Disney's Boardwalk.  He's a good guy from Chicago who loves talking sports.  If your in Disney and want to have a good burger and watch the game, check out the Sports zone.  If you meet Nick, tell him I said hello.

Terrell Owens presents problems everywhere.  He's too strong for defensive backs, too fast for safeties, too crazy for coaches, too outspoken for quarterbacks and too egotistical for teammates.  I wish him luck in Dallas.  This season should be fun.

Do you think the baseball investigation into steroids is going to blow the lid off this controversy?  Neither do I.

So Anna Benson has filed for divorce from Orioles pitcher Kris Benson.  Kris, trust me...this is for the best.  You can do better.  and even if you're not looking to do better, how hard will it be to find a crude stripper who behaves inappropriately?  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Anna is a nice girl that I would have loved to date when I was 23.  I just would have been smart enough not to marry her.

An attractive actress attending a premiere in London.  Do you think she could have done a little better in the band-aid department:

Are the Arizona Cardinals lining up to be an offensive juggernaut?  I'd still like them to upgrade the offensive line before I anoint them the next 1983 San Diego Chargers.  But Dennis Green continues to move them in the right direction.

Very, very sad news: Isaac Hayes has quit South Park.  No more Chef.  Turns out he didn't like the episode where they made fun of Scientologists.  Apparently he was ok with bashing Jews, Christians. Muslims and Mormons.  But Mr.. Hayes is a Scientologist.  So it was no longer funny.  Can't wait for the next episode:  "Oh, my God, Tom Cruise killed Chef!"  "You Bastard!"

I am declaring war on the TV show Extra.  I could not watch the season opener of the Sopranos Sunday night, so I planned to watch it on Monday.  My wife put on Extra (I don't know why) and as I walked into the room, some loud mouth begins to tell us what happened on the show last night.  Think about the logic of this - there are 3 types of people: those who watched the Sopranos on Sunday, those who didn't watch but still want to, and those who don't care.  Everyone fits somewhere in those 3.  And of those 3 group, NOT ONE OF THEM NEED TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENED ON THE SHOW THE NIGHT BEFORE!  It makes no sense why they would report on this. Damn you, Extra.  Damn you all to hell.  I want to see if I can lodge a complaint against them.

I've seen just about every sports injury there has been.  I've never been phased until I saw Allen Ray's eye pop out of his head.  I can't watch the replay.  Thank God he's ok.  I thought he'd never be able to see out of that eye again.

For those of you keeping score, on Sunday, February 18 I was rushed to the hospital with horrible stomach pains.  Turns out it was a gallstone.  Sounds simple, right?  Well, turns out it was so bad that ducts were completely blocked, some 'sludge' spilled out and the liver and pancreas became infected.  I was admitted to the hospital and put through a battery of tests to see if my digestive system had completely shut down and put on antibiotics to calm the infection.  They weren't able to operate until they got everything under control.  It took until Thursday.  So from Sunday morning until Thursday afternoon I had to live with the pain of a gallstone attack along with pancreatitis.  Did I mention that the pain killers made me nauseous so they took me off them?  And I was allowed no food or water for days.  I was kept in the hospital for a few days after the operations as well.  Then another week in bed at home.  I'm finally just now getting back to work.  Although I have not heard from the surgeon yet, the hospital bill came to $47,000.  Thank God for insurance, and not HMO.  I spoke with a friend who works for an HMO and told me that I probably would not have been admitted right away.  I would have been sent home with percocet and told to call my primary care physician. 

Highlights of my hospital stay:

A roommate with a catheter who was not shy.
Having to pee into a bottle why laying on my side.
Before surgery, denying that I was the person on my name tag to a nurse.
A roommate who insisted on falling asleep each night with the TV on.
3 IVs at the same time in one arm - hand, forearm and elbow.
A test where I was instructed to lay flat on an 18" wide bench completely still for 1 hour.  With my pain, doubled over was my only option.  I refused the test.
A roommate who needed the tv volume at full blast 18 hours a day.
Having my blood drawn every morning at 4:00 am.
Having a nurse who used to work for me while she was a college student.
As I was coming out of the anesthesia, I heard a nurse ask if anyone was willing to go pick something up.  I raised my hand.  She told me I was in no shape to drive.  I told her to give me her keys; I've done worse.
Telling the doctor after the surgery that I'd hug him, but I hadn't showered in a week and I wasn't comfortable hugging a man.
Many nice gift baskets, flowers, balloons and even a Best Buy gift card to download music while I was recovering.
Losing a pillow and desk lamp.  In my excitement at being discharged, I forgot to pack them.  I just wanted out. (UPDATE: I went back to the hospital and got my stuff back)
Finally, my 100lb yellow lab being so excited to see me when I finally got home that he jumped up and nearly knocked me over.  He usually knows better.

Another gem from Badjocks:

What's Green and Red and Blows a .157% BAC? Not the Stanford Tree Mascot . . . Anymore- Stanford University, known as "The Cardinal "(singular, don't ask) has a tree in its logo. So a few years ago the snooty West Coast school thought it would be fun to parody modern college sports mascots by creating its own "tree" mascot that served no real purpose. Apparently, not having a real purpose was too much to take for fifth-year senior Erin Lashnits who was apparently bagged inside her costume on Feb. 9 during a basketball game against University of California-Berkeley. She must have been acting untree-like because officials pulled her from the floor and had her breath tested. While she won't make the Top Twenty of the BadJocks BAC Rankings, she did blow an impressive 0.157 %, nearly twice the legal limit for driving. As a result, she will no longer be allowed to dress as a tree at Stanford sporting events. At right, Erin Lashnits' picture taken from her days on the Stanford diving team. According to her bio information, Erin wants to be an astronaut. (Monterey Herald)

Elvis' daughter, Lisa Marie got married.  So what if it was for the 4th time?  I'm willing to cut her somewhat of a break because one of those marriages was to Michael Jackson and another was to Nicholas Cage who only had an Elvis infatuation.  But can't she surround herself with reasonably intelligent people to help keep her from making dumb decisions?  You know she can afford it.

Funny, but of all the things that this administration has done wrong, they seem to be taking the most heat on the wire-tapping (and now the hunting accident).  I have no problem with the wire-tapping.  If invading someone's privacy is what it takes to prevent 3,000 or more people killed in a terrorist attack, I guess I'm on board.  Plus, I'm not really up to any nonsense, so I really don't have anything to hide.  Tap away.  For that, Bush and his administration are getting raked over the coals.  On the other hand, we went to war because we were told that Iraq was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction ready to hand over to terrorists and that proved to be false.  Rather than admit the war was a mistake, the administration changed the spin and are trying to convince us that the war was justified because the world is safer without Saddam.  Why isn't Bush being taken to task for that?  With wire tapping, no one is really getting hurt.

Hunting accidents happen.  The media is really blowing this Dick Cheney incident WAY out of proportion.  Now if he had shot G.W. by 'accident', we'd have something to talk about.  But there's hardly a story here.  A hunting accident happened. He's very sorry and promises it will never happen again.  Let's move on.

Can Anyone explain to me the popularity of American Idol?  It's a Karaoke contest, but no one is drunk.  Yet it destroys things like the Grammys and the Winter Olympics.  Ok, no one wants to watch the Winter Games anyway, but why is watching someone trying to sing a song so popular?  I'll watch the first few episodes to watch the lunatics, but after that it's just boring.  And don't get me started on Dancing/Skating with the Stars.  If there really isn't anything better on, how about reading a book?  Or it costs $3.00 to rent a movie.

Special Olympics Section:  This is reprinted from badjocks.com (where Cops meets Sportscenter).  Great website.  Check it out if you get a chance - In Case You Missed It: BadJocks Flashback to October 2005 - The Nude Curling Calendar Controversy - You may not have been paying close attention to women's curling back in October, but apparently some announcers covering the sport in for the Turin Olympics have mentioned the nude fundraising calendar that some of the gals in the sport posed for. Read badjocks version of the story here.

ALL TIME favorite web site is http://www.geocities.com/sundiii/.  If you have some time to kill and want to just laugh, you've gotta read some of his ranting.  You could get lost for hours.  He has topics such as : Eliminate Houses and Cars/Build Live Work Towers and Trains, Employees are Slaves, So Are Masters, and Capitalists are so Stupid.  What's even better are the sub topics like God Hates Coupons, God Hates Retirement and the ever popular God Hates hidden fees/late charges.

It's all text, so it's a work-friendly site.  Go there, tell your friends.  Let's make this guy a celebrity.  Give him a stand up comedy tour.  I'd see him.  He's funnier than Lewis Black.

From weddingheckler.com:

...In Kolkata, India a 19 year old bride eloped with her lover from her wedding reception. Her lover dropped off a letter wrapped in a gift saying he would wait for her outside the reception on a motorcycle.  She enlisted some friends in helping her flee her new in-laws house. Then, in true runaway bride fashion, she hopped on the bike with her knight in shining armor and disappeared.

Her new in-laws were not happy with their new daughter in-laws disappearance but not for the reason you would think "With great expectations of happiness I chose this girl but she has escaped with all the jewelry. I can never accept her back." So the bride ran away and took her mother in laws jewelry with her...nothing like burning bridges left and right. Apparently the brides family was aware of her lover but still arranged the wedding anwyays. (Good advice to follow, before spending a bunch of money on a wedding, you better be sure she'll actually stay at the wedding...)

There is a cartoon in a newspaper that is causing riots all over the Muslim world.  Is there any doubt left that we are not dealing with rational people?  Only one Sunni Cleric that I am aware of told his people not to do anything in protest of the cartoon because he is afraid that the radical actions of Muslims are giving all of Islam a bad name.  Someone get that guy's name and make him the new leader of Iraq.

I find it a little ironic that U.S. papers are afraid to reprint the cartoon for fear of further angering Muslims (despite our strong feelings toward freedom of the press), yet we're being blamed for the cartoon, anyway.

Is there anyone out there (besides FTD and Hallmark) who actually likes Valentine's Day?  It's a day where if you don't do the right thing, you could spend weeks in the dog house or worse.  Do we really need that pressure?

In case you are curious, Adrian dies in the new Rocky movie.  A friend of mine has the picture of the tombstone used in the movie.

I did a little reading on the woman who had the face transplant in France.  all I heard was that she had been the victim of a dog bite.  Turns out she had tried to commit suicide, and as she lay on the floor semi-conscious her dog started chewing on her.  Come on, that's a little funny.

Sent to me in an email.  So funny I had to share:

A reader commented on Time's article about the Catholic Church changing its stance on limbo for babies who have not been baptized yet are now eligible for admittance into heaven.

"God has either changed his mind or the Catholic Church was wrong again"  Bill from Ohio

Mitchell and Ness are running ads on 411.  I love the concept of the throwback jersey and will probably buys something from here myself.  I've been collecting NFL Jerseys for years and have one from every team except Houston, NY Giants and Baltimore.  I actually own a Don Majkowski jersey.  I may be the only one.

I got my one and only cell phone in June of 2000.  It was a 1999 model that was on sale.  You can imagine how far out of style it is.  Because of my new contract, I'm due to get a new phone for free at the end of January.  Sure it will be nice to have fancy ring tones and a built in camera to take pictures of girl's butts (as is my understanding of why cameras are built in to phones).  But my old phone works really well.  It has been dropped a dozen times and never had a problem.  The battery lasts for 2 weeks with light usage - 3 days in heavy usage.  Yet I hear tons of people complain about their newer phones.  I'm torn between new new technology and sticking with something that works.  I couldn't imagine trading my wife in just because a newer model was offered to me.  Then again, my wife is not a phone...with a cool ring tone...and she certainly won't take pictures of girls butts.

The breakup of Nick Leche and Jessica Simpson proves something very important: no matter how beautiful or rich a woman is, a man will get tired of her if she is an idiot.   Being able to talk to your spouse is very underrated.  remember: looks fade; stupid is forever.

Working at a college helps me keep up with trends among the 'young people'.  One of the new one's I've noticed is girls not lifting their feet when they walk - basically shuffling along.  A personal plea:  Stop doing that.  It's really annoying.

Here's a great idea: put Saddam Hussein back in power, with the promise that if he plays ball with the US, we'll give him Iran and Syria.  That guarantees stability in the region (well, a lot more than now) and someone who at least for now will be a friend and help us flush out the terrorists.

Funny how many road wins there have been in this year's playoffs.  Now the Steelers are 3.5 point favorites despite being a wild card team facing a division winner.  The NFC gets no respect, not just the Seahawks.  Look for the Seahawks to pull off the upset.  Of course I'm 3-7 picking games in the playoffs this year.

4 years ago, Angelina Jolie was running around wearing a vile of Billy Bob Thorton's blood and making out with her brother at the Oscars.  Now she seems to be the Head of the UN.  I know a lot of people think she's the hottest woman on the planet (I disagree), but how long is Brad Pitt going to put up with following her all over the word baby sitting her adopted kids?

Every once in a while I come across a picture or two I have to share.  These are pictures in a series from myvillage.com.  Apparently, 3 supermodels are fighting over a soccer star.  That's a great example of why the Brits are much smarter than we are.  Over there, the hot models are fighting over a star player.  Here, they throw hands (and feet) over Jeff Garcia.  Has anyone told his playmate girlfriend that he sucks?  Anyway, click on the thumbs below for a better view of what happens when supermodels attack:
     

I have yet to watch a playoff game in it's entirety.  It's a comment on how busy I've been rather than the quality of games.  They have been great, with the sad exception of officiating.

Here are my top 10 Christmas songs:

10.  Jingle Bells (Frank Sinatra)
9.    Blue Christmas (Elvis)
8.    Baby, It's Cold Outside (Dean Martin)
7.    White Christmas (Bing Crosby)
6.    Holy Night (South Park Christmas Album); in fact, the entire South Park Christmas album
5.    I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause (Martha and the Vandellas)  - good thing it was only kissing; that kid could have been really traumatized
4.    Jingle Bell Rock
3.    I'll be home for Christmas
2.    Winter Wonderland
And the number 1 Christmas song to get my Christmas Spirit going: 

Holly Jolly Christmas (Burl Ives)

The best Christmas cartoon remains Peanuts Christmas.  Linus gets it.

Speaking of Christmas, I got a suitcase from my wife and resume paper from my parents.  Do you think these might have been hints?

Back in the 1980s, the air traffic controllers went on strike. Ronald Regan fired them all.  His reason was that the public welfare and economy and safety was at stake.  I'd like to see similar action taken against the striking NY transit workers.  They are disabling the economy of NY City, thus impacting the economy of the rest of the US.  They are also directly effecting 7 million commuters as well as countless tourists to NY.  Certainly I would never go back if this was my experience.  I know it's an anti-union stance, but I don't think the transit authority has the right to do this to the public. 

Funny how being anti-union is considered anti-American.  In fact, unionism is anti-American.  The concept of trade unionism is closely related to socialism which is not far from communism.  Back in the early days of unions in the US, union leaders wondered how to present such an un-American idea to the general public.  What they did was genius.  They wrapped the concept in the flag and told everyone unions were as American as apple pie.  The public bought it.  Just like DeBeers told the public that you needed a diamond to get married.  The public bought that, too.

The fact is that now that adequate labor laws are in place, unions have become largely unnecessary to protect workers.  But greed and the desire to be mediocre keeps unions as strong as ever.  USA! USA! USA!

I'm very happy we added Sergio to 411.  I think he does a great job breaking down games and he's always interesting to read even if you don't agree with what he's saying.  We're going to try to keep him for next year.  But I have a confession to make.  He lists songs every week that he is listening to.  Not only have I never heard one song that he's listed, I haven't heard of most of the bands who sing them.  I didn't think I was that old.  But I am.

Story from China in the news where a man was breaking into his neighbor's apartment and stealing her bras and pictures.  He admitted doing it, but claimed that he did it because he was in love with her.  Apparently, while he was in her place, he fixed her computer, washed her dishes and did some of her laundry.  Pretty creepy, right?  The judge threw out the case claiming that his love for her justified his actions.  Here's the link...http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051213/od_nm/china_bra_dc

Apparently, someone is a big fan/stalker of some Arkansas cheerleaders.  I found these on the web doing a search on college football.  There's actually about 70 pictures in all, I just wanted to post a few here to make a point.  If the person taking these pictures is not directly related, you might want to seek some help.  If you ARE the people in these pictures, you might want to seek a restraining order.  I'm imagining pictures of these girls all over an off campus apartment walls with they eyes cut out on each one.  The apartment is lit only by 2 candles and the glow from an LCD monitor.  There's a cat following the scent of a mouse in the kitchen, where glasses and paper plate pile up underneath empty bags from McDonald's takeout.  But I digress...

That's a lot of home runs to hit in only 4 at bats.